Blog » What My Mother Never Taught Me About Women's Friendships

Nope, I didn't hide under my bed or check the mirror to see if I could spot any more wrinkles, or go through any of the predicted trauma that comes with this milestone. 

What I did engage in was a lot of reflection.

One of the things that I reflected on, interestingly enough, were the relationships that I had with my female buddies throughout my life and how the dynamics changed as I got older.

As a child, my best friend was my cousin, Ines. We not only went to school together, but we spent practically every waking moment with each other, playing "pretend" in a fantasy world of our own creation. I was traumatized when she moved with her family to the United States when I was only 9 years old. In a sense I had lost my world.

At the age of 8, I formed a lifelong friendship with my cousins in Madrid, Paloma and Elena. These early childhood friendships with my female cousins were not only good for me, they were vital for my emotional development, and they seemed to come effortlessly to me. 

In my early adolescent years, I distinctly remember my awesome school friends in Manila, Philippines. We'd chatter at lunch and recess about nothing, passed each other notes during class, then rang each other up when we got home to speak for hours again about boys, teachers, the weekend, you name it. We'd paint each others' nails, pluck each others' eyebrows and share each others' secrets. 

My mid to late teenage years saw my family and I move to Sydney, Australia. With my new group of school buddies I discovered the beach culture of that glorious one kilometer stretch of golden sand called Bondi Beach. There my girlfriends and I hung out, swam, gossiped and met boys from Waverley College and Cranbrook from morning till dusk.

By the time my 20's arrived, I may have had plenty of girlfriends, but we had become more guarded and competitive with each other.  Already a young Mum at 23, priorities such as family and career had well and truly taken over by the age of 30. 

By 41 I had been married and divorced, and although I was in desperate need of the  nourishing and support only a girlfriend could give, I had trouble working out who my best girlfriends were.

 It was interesting for me to observe that the older I became, the more I downplayed the importance of friendships with other women as I increasingly viewed it as more of an indulgence. But in doing so, I had robbed myself of the nurturing, strength and support that I could have tapped into when I hit the rough patches in my life.

There is now a scientific research to back up the fact that female friendships not only make women feel good but relieve the pressures of daily living, lowers women's stress levels and ultimately prolongs her life! *

 So ladies,  my message to you as I clock up a half century is that friendships with other women in your life is vital for your well being as a woman. But like anything precious, it does require nurturing to thrive. So do set the time aside each week to communicate, hang out, spend time with other women, be it your Sister, Mother, girlfriend or a great woman you have just met. It's good for you and an ideal way to bring the balance of mind, body, and spirit back into your lives.

* A landmark UCLA study entitled, ” Female Responses To Stress: Tend and Befriend, Not Fight or Flight” suggests that friendships between women are not only special, but they shape who the women are and who they are yet to be. Dr. L.C. Klein, one of the researchers, attributes this to a hormone that gets released called Oxytocin as part of the stress responses in a woman which buffers the ‘fight or flight’ response and encourages her to "tend to children and gather with other women instead". When a woman engages in the tending or befriending behavior, Dr. Klein suggests that her body releases more Oxytocin, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect.

 Longing to connect with yourself? Victoria Ugarte, Director of Postcards From Millie, invites you to experience Postcards From Millie's Life-Transforming Journeys and Experiences for women to help you through your journey in life. Find out more on www.postcardsfrommillie.com

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